Having kids

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I think a lot about if I had kids and what kind of issues mom’s today face.
Now it should be apparent that I personally do not desire children of my own but I’ve entertained the thought of if I carried my own and how I would hope to raise them and how the world would raise them.

I think year by year parents have it hard and harder..
The world is full of extremists, suicide, confusion, uncompromising ‘opinions’ and sex… so much sex, drugs and violence.

How do you fill an empty shell with art, mathematics, curiosity, love, and so much without being plundered by the mines the world has set out before you’ve even gathered yourself together?

I was thinking today how I’ve had and currently have friends that were pregnant, had large baby showers thrown for them and their spouse with everyone showering them in bibs, onesies, wittle bwaby shwoos.

Things got tough and they were homeless, and needed help, advice, work and a home because one job laid one of them off. All those that were showing blessings before chastised saying they were bad parents and turned away.

I don’t even know what all of that means but it makes me confident that if I ever wanted to have a child I’d never hold strong to the words around me and would never be able to trust the world.

Things I think about too are the effects it would have on me mentally. Everyone can say because you’re a good person you’ll be a great mom! But the reality is postpartum depression is real and who’s to know if you’ll have it when you go starry eyed into your endeavor of conceiving?

I think of the bad mothers I know and how I’m sure everyone of them had someone tell them they’d be a great mom at least once in their life. Just because I can carry a child doesn’t mean I should. True fact for many women.

There are many things to consider and I’m sure a lot of people say it’s over thinking but what if you have a child with special needs? Can you handle it? I know a situation where a mother left her husband and child indefinitely because her child had retardation. It happens all the time, maybe the father leaves, maybe no one leaves. Maybe you’ll both be okay or maybe you’ll have stress on a relationship. More things to consider.

Maybe you’ll play frogger with the world and make it to the other side safe and end up having a serial killer as a kid. Who’s to know?

These are just the things I think about when someone asks me ‘Why?’ When I say I don’t want to have a child, like something is wrong with me.

I’m smart enough to know what I do and don’t want in my life and I’d rather not have a child considering all the conditions rather than have one on pure whimsy.

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