Andi Neko! …and something to poke with a stick


I love new jobs because of the cool people you sometimes come across. I really struck gold with finding this awesome gal, unfortunately she was moving quickly after I met her.

She was new to the area so i wanted to show her what our little city had to offer.


I always love showing off my favorite state park in the area, Harkness, to anyone willing to lend an eye.



Adorned with a large, beautiful flower garden Harkness has even more to offer with a large mansion/museum, clearing and a soft ocean shore. Low tide wasn’t even smelly!


We walked out to the water and got excited to find a dead little shark (was later informed it was a fish of some kind…boo).



She ended up loving the area as much as I’d hoped which warmed my heart.
I hope to see her again soon. It’s unfortunately not all that common to find genuine nerds such as myself to often so out was great meeting such a cool gal.


Safe travels…

Dad dream


This morning i awoke from a dream.

I was at home with my bunny Leia and my dad was sitting on the couch in the living room. I had some leftover cake that I was eating and decided to call my friend to share since I had a lot.

He was coming with his mom and I was excited to introduce my dad and her for some reason, like they were long lost friends. I’d assumed they’d played pool together we when my father did pool leagues.

When my friend and mom arrived they’d came right in and she walked right past my smiling father into the kitchen and was looking around. I kept trying to introduce her to him but she wasn’t acknowledging him and I didn’t understand why.

I woke up today and for a good 5 minutes was thinking I should introduce them since maybe they’d be good friends.

…and then I remembered…

I think she didn’t acknowledge him in my dream because she didn’t see him. He wasn’t there, but only to me.

Having kids


I think a lot about if I had kids and what kind of issues mom’s today face.
Now it should be apparent that I personally do not desire children of my own but I’ve entertained the thought of if I carried my own and how I would hope to raise them and how the world would raise them.

I think year by year parents have it hard and harder..
The world is full of extremists, suicide, confusion, uncompromising ‘opinions’ and sex… so much sex, drugs and violence.

How do you fill an empty shell with art, mathematics, curiosity, love, and so much without being plundered by the mines the world has set out before you’ve even gathered yourself together?

I was thinking today how I’ve had and currently have friends that were pregnant, had large baby showers thrown for them and their spouse with everyone showering them in bibs, onesies, wittle bwaby shwoos.

Things got tough and they were homeless, and needed help, advice, work and a home because one job laid one of them off. All those that were showing blessings before chastised saying they were bad parents and turned away.

I don’t even know what all of that means but it makes me confident that if I ever wanted to have a child I’d never hold strong to the words around me and would never be able to trust the world.

Things I think about too are the effects it would have on me mentally. Everyone can say because you’re a good person you’ll be a great mom! But the reality is postpartum depression is real and who’s to know if you’ll have it when you go starry eyed into your endeavor of conceiving?

I think of the bad mothers I know and how I’m sure everyone of them had someone tell them they’d be a great mom at least once in their life. Just because I can carry a child doesn’t mean I should. True fact for many women.

There are many things to consider and I’m sure a lot of people say it’s over thinking but what if you have a child with special needs? Can you handle it? I know a situation where a mother left her husband and child indefinitely because her child had retardation. It happens all the time, maybe the father leaves, maybe no one leaves. Maybe you’ll both be okay or maybe you’ll have stress on a relationship. More things to consider.

Maybe you’ll play frogger with the world and make it to the other side safe and end up having a serial killer as a kid. Who’s to know?

These are just the things I think about when someone asks me ‘Why?’ When I say I don’t want to have a child, like something is wrong with me.

I’m smart enough to know what I do and don’t want in my life and I’d rather not have a child considering all the conditions rather than have one on pure whimsy.

I’m not rich enough to be healthy


Today is a cold, windy and rainy New England day…and I’m sitting at the clinic.

I’ve been having some issues with choking on my food and pressure in my chest so my friend dragged me to the clinic to see if I can first get some financial aid, then get seen.

I hate going to the doctors, especially for big stuff. I used to be a hypochondriac until I saw how much it costs to get checked out. Now I won’t even go to the doctor if my finger might be broken and nail falling off (that happened *vomit sounds*). It costs so much to see if you’re dying or not so I just opt out.

I’m not rich enough to be healthy.
(Insert political rant about American healthcare system)

I work tonight so hopefully I’ll get to enjoy this rain with some anime and snuggle up with my cat.

Attack on Friday


Attack On Titan, the long awaited live action rendition of the hit anime series, released in the United States yesterday.
And you can be sure that I was there with my nerdy overwhelmed smile.

Like all show-turned-movies there were differences and things left to be desired but overall I REALLY loved it.
I definitely give it an A.

Even for someone unfamiliar with the show or any anime, it was a great watch. Lots of horror and gore… just amazing graphics… I’m still nostalgic about it.



After the movie theater a bunch of friends and I went to Dave & Busters which is an adult arcade with food.
It was my first time to one and it was okay. The food looked prettier than it tasted, everything was cold but my strawberry-watermelon margarita ended up being delicious. Some of us played Pump It Up which is a   5 -paneled dance game. It was actually really fun if not confusing.  We had fun acting a fool.



I ended up doing a little dumpster diving since we were next to one of my favorite spots and I found a squatty potty. I’m excited to use it, it looks like it was tossed because the sticker was ripped.

I ended up not going to bed until around 2:47 but it was SO worth it. It was literally an action packed day full of a lot of fun.

Eat a pillow, lay on some soup


Today was a busy work day.

I quit my insurance agent job back in April and have been doing seasonal jobs over the summer and into autumn. Being the only female in an office of varied aged men things were starting to get disrespectful so I wanted out amongst other reasons.

Right now I’m at a Halloween store, and while it’s fun it is also exhausting.
I have been feeling sick lately. I think it has a lot to do with poor to very little diet, anxiety, stress and maybe other contributors. Either way, I was shaky half of my day and dreamt of a pillow and soup.

In efforts to heighten my spirits from the last few days I did some fun makeup. That always is entertaining to me.

Check it out




In almost a year my life has changed so drastically while at the same time not changing at all.
-Still feeling broken
-Still feeling lost

But I have had more support this last 9 months than I did back then.
I’ve taken action to improve my life, and like anything, it hurts before it gets better.

Currently going through divorce, going through healing about my father still, dealing with constant anxiety, I guess I’m just learning what it is to deal.

Recognition is the first key and as I face myself I’m hoping to bridge the gap between where I am and some sort of constant happiness.

That pure happiness that keeps a smile on your face for more than a day, and had your voice 2 octaves higher in glee. I want that.

Let’s start…